What mindfulness gurus won’t tell you: meditation has a dark side

We never intended to be the Richard Dawkins of mindfulness — but, because of our book, we seem to have started a public debate about its downsides nonetheless.

Our approach was to go through almost half a century of scientific evidence and tease out fact from fiction when it comes to beliefs about various meditative practices. As it happens, most of the media hype about mindfulness as a cure-all is not grounded in scientific evidence. But it was a chapter on the dark side of meditation that caused a stir, where we described the unexpected or exacerbated mental health problems that have been experienced and the potential misuse of meditative techniques (such as by the military). Our conclusion was that meditation might benefit some individuals, but not all — and it might be unhelpful for others.

We don’t yet know the reasons for these individual differences. There is very little research on why meditation doesn’t work in the same way for everyone and how it might cause emotional difficulties. One hypothesis is that meditation amplifies emotional problems that are lying hidden under the surface. Think of an individual who went through a traumatic experience in early life but forgot about it, only to find themselves reliving it as an adult trying out mindfulness meditation. Since the book came out we have listened to this and other stories, often via email or our book’s Facebook page, at other times from callers during live radio interviews. One of the most poignant accounts came from a journalist who interviewed us. She had been on a weekend meditation retreat with a friend who had a history of suffering from depression. Coming out of the retreat, they walked together to the railway station and, unexpectedly, this friend jumped on to the rail tracks as a train was speeding by.

Researchers like the amplification hypothesis because meditation comes out clean. The problem was already there and meditation only brought it out into the open. But there is a competing explanation, which we call the rattling hypothesis. We received a number of letters from long-term meditators supporting this explanation. According to them, the aim of sitting down and going within is to rattle the ego, to shake our sense of who we think we are, in order to move beyond self-centred concerns.

When techniques like mindfulness were adapted into a psychological, secular model, this rattling function was brushed under the carpet. But this was bound to resurface, as adverse effects can happen to anyone. In our book, we report the account of a psychiatrist who had to fight to keep his mental sanity after a meditation experience in which he felt the boundaries of his ego dissolve. This mystical experience led to a serious rattling of the self, which he was able to process in part because of his mental health training, but mainly because he had good social support, including a meditation teacher who explained that what he was going through was perfectly normal.

Unfortunately, mindfulness teachers (who are currently unregulated) are generally unaware of potential ego-rattling effects, nor possess the mental health training to deal with these situations. We have received emails and letters from individuals who were feeling anxious during mindfulness courses and this was dismissed by teachers as ‘built up stress’ that would go away.

But what happens when it doesn’t? This was the case of Gareth, who tried out a mindfulness course because he was having some trouble falling asleep. While doing the course he became aware of negative thoughts, which wouldn’t disappear no matter how much he accepted and tried to ‘let them go’. After eight weeks his anxiety levels had increased from something barely noticeable to an everyday problem which he found hard to manage. ‘Is it my fault?’ he wanted to know — and this is a common question for those who don’t feel the wellbeing, relaxation, happiness kick one might expect to get when meditating. Let’s not add stigmatisation to the list of adverse effects. It is no one’s fault when meditation goes wrong.

The problem is how we have come to think of mindfulness meditation as a practice that we should all engage in, because it will do us all good — and only good. This is a religious, not a scientific view (and to be fair, most religions actually tend to be cautious about the use of meditation).

There are many unanswered questions about the effects of meditation. Mindfulness, in particular, is portrayed as a universal ability to be ‘in the here and now’ — how can you not want that for yourself? Well, the bad news is that it doesn’t work for everyone.

But this isn’t necessarily bad. For one, there are many ways of ‘being present’ — meditation is just one of them. There are plenty of other activities that we can do for a sense of increased awareness and to feel ‘in the moment’ (and which may also help to reduce stress and improve mood), such as walking, swimming, talking to a friend, singing, dancing. The list is endless.

Another good thing is that it challenges simplistic notions of our minds as a more or less resilient muscle, which the mindfulness industry would encourage us to simply ‘exercise’ in order to achieve ‘mental fitness’. The variety of experiences (pleasant or difficult) stimulated by meditation portrays mental life rather as a combination of subtle and complex processes with various layers. Instead of dedicating more research to promoting a stereotypical image of meditation as a universal boon, we need to be mindful of how it affects people in different ways and try to understand why that is.

Dr Miguel Farias leads the Brain, Belief, and Behaviour research group at Coventry University. Dr Catherine Wikholm is a clinical psychologist in the NHS. They are the authors of The Buddha Pill: Can Meditation Change You?

  • Transcend

    please don’t make the mistake of lumping all meditation practices together and just calling it all mindfulness. The Transcendental Meditation technique has actually been more thoroughly researched, and never have there been any negative side effects associated with TM practice. It’s a very different form of meditation and has very different effects–

    • Watermelonbeast

      Really?. You should do more research. I personally know several people that have suffered greatly from TM practice. One person became so delusional and grandiose that the could no longer hold a job. This person also suffered from severe narcolepsy. Another person I know suffered a severe psychotic break in her late 50’s due to her involvement in TM. She lived and worked in Fairfield at the University. You should talk to some of the pastors at local churches in Fairfield, Iowa who have ministered to those who have had severe problems with TM.

      • Transcend

        Granted, the people you mentioned may exist and may have had problems, but it is highly, HIGHLY unlikely that TM led to these people’s problems. I’ve been reading the studies for 40 years, and not one legitimate peer-reviewed study, out of hundreds, has ever identified a negative side effect from TM. The deep rest and more harmonious brain functioning from TM just doesn’t cause problems; it is only beneficial. I wouldn’t base conclusions on talking to a couple of pastors but on the experiences of teaching hundreds of people myself and practicing it for 45 years. I’ve seen only all-positive, life transforming results. But that’s just me. However, the science makes it objective.

        • ApplesAreNotOrange

          You’re so blinded by your love is TM. In actually it is highly likely TM caused the damage. Fake made up mantras. It’s a shame you can’t see that TM is a marketing scam version of regular meditation.

          • Transcend

            can you produce any clinical or peer-reviewed evidence that TM has ever caused anyone any psychological damage? Let me answer that for you: no, you can’t.

            the mantras actually come from the Vedic tradition and there’s 1000’s of years of precedence of authenticity, ask any Indologist or Vedic scholar.

            you may have your opinion about what “regular meditation” is, and how TM compares. fine. but for it to be a scam, someone would have to be making money off it. can you produce any evidence that anyone, from the bottom to the top, has ever profited from TM course fees? I’ll answer that for you, too: no, you can’t. as a 501(c)3, the foundation is strictly non-profit and it’s all public record. after 50 years, if it were a scam, there would have been legal challenges and the IRS would have revoked the organization’s status. sorry, that’s never happened.

            yes I love TM, because of the benefits I experience, more so than from other forms of meditation I’ve tried. and I’ve tried them all.

    • Anon

      TM is a cult, don’t listen to this guy, he’s a member and will say anything to get you to join the cult as well.

    • Transcend

      Myth #9: Meditation can have negative side effects and make you go crazy! http://meditationasheville.blogspot.com/2010/12/myth-meditation-can-have-bad-side.html?m=1

    • Rose Quartz

      TM should never be suggested to people with mental illness or people who have suffered severe trauma. It is very dangerous. It does no good and causes harm.

      • Transcend

        Not sure how anyone would come by that opinion — that TM is “dangerous” and should not be learned by people with mental illness. The fringes of the Internet, I guess. There are reams of studies showing that TM improves mental disorders. M’s deep, coherent rest is rejuvenating and is only good for you. Several peer-reviewed studies have been done on psychiatric patients learning TM and not only show no negative side effects, but show significant improvements in PTSD, anxiety, depression, stress reactivity, etc. For an empirical assessment from a noted psychiatrist, I recommend the book “Transcendence: Healing and Transformation Through Transcendental Meditation,” by 20-year senior NIH research (and professor of psychiatry at Georgetown University Medical School) Norman Rosenthal. He gives a though overview of the research and offers lots of accounts of using TM with his patients.

    • ApplesAreNotOrange

      Wrong. I know someone who knows quite a few people from the TM scene. One guy went insane and never recovered. Other people were also damaged. The science behind TM is mostly fake.

      • Transcend

        I know someone who knows someone who knows someone… Out of 750+ research studies, not one legit study ever found adverse effects. To the contrary. See my link above.

        The science “mostly fake?” Okay, about 500 different scientists, most of them not associated with TM or Maharishi University (see the bibliography), from more than 250 separate universities or institutions, have been involved in the studies on TM, over a 40 year period so far, and the studies have been published in about 375 peer-reviewed journals. So you’re accusing most of these scientists of fraud? Can you produce any evidence of a single TM study being retracted from a peer-reviewed journal for being “fake?” No, you can’t.

        If the research were “mostly fake,” there would have been hundreds of retractions. There have been none. And retractions happen all the time in science. But not with TM. The same prestigious leading journals (such as the International Journal of Neuroscience, American Physiologist, Consciousness and Cognition, etc) repeatedly publish new research on TM. You need to think about what you’re saying. If the research were fake, the editors of the journals would have to be in on it, along with hundreds of independent peer-reviewers (who are chosen because they are the most qualified researchers in their fields); also complicit would be the National Institutes of Health (who have given over $25 million to fund numerous TM research studies), the Department of Defense and VA (who have given about $2.5 to study TM on PTSD vets), and so many universities and medical schools that have signed off on TM studies.

        Sorry, there’s just no basis for your claims.

  • Jeff1

    The medical proffession is broken. I see this first hand. They know their drugs dont work but they continue to give them to folks either for fear of being sued or for fear of losing their income. They hide behind science but science doesnt create people create science studies people and then figures out why they can acheive great things. This article doesnt say anything that people who meditate dont understand. Its a journey and it involves the individual and that is why there are different results. Meditation and or yoga is self healing..some people are up for the challenge and others need more time. Will everyone make it through the journey with the same outcomes? No that is not a logical thought. But the medical industry does not believe in self healing. They believe they are god and they heal. But the irony is they dont do anything but run tests they are afraid to use their intuition so they hide behind bias tests that drive folks to drugs that dont work but harm. They are scared and They need articles like this that just create fear or doubt in folks mind. Good job guys keep up the good work. And stop blaming insurance companies for your own short comings and greed.

    • Elgordo

      It’s thinking like yours that frightens me. This is the sort of uncritical, irrational, post-modernist mumbo jumbo that perpetuates dangerous anti vax crackpots and homeopathy peddlers.

      You’re happy to completely ignore the host of evidence provided in the article to suggest everyone who meditates understands more than the author. Just consider the stunningly deluded arrogance of that assertion.

      Those of us with an education recognise the extraordinary quality of life advances that modern medicine and science have provided us with. In fact, comments like yours are an insult to all those who have suffered through continuing practices which have been resoundingly debunked by evidence.

      • Jeff1

        It’s not thinking its personal experience..both with doctors for over 28 years as well as with meditation and yoga. Its your fear of my comments that clouds your vision. Its not arrogance its enlightenment. I have evidence for each of my comments. I agree there are crackpots out there who practice “self healing”. There are also crackpot doctors who dont keep up on new ideas or look at folks as income strems vs individuals. There are doctors who refuse to use their own intuition and rely on biased tests that are designed to match up a drug to a symptom which results in a bad diagnosis.

        People in general find it much easier to offer to “heal” or help others vs “healing” or helping themselves. This does not discount what I stated about the medical industry it just adds to ones challenge of seeking help from others. If it feels better on your end its a larger issue than this article and the medical profession but that system is broken and the doctors, and nurses in many cases are not being honest with themselves and their patients and this creates a difficult environment for someone in need of help. Many of these folsk either know it because they have internal conflict that they created that results in anger toward others or they created a false reality for themselves to avoid the conflict. People get bad advice from many different aspects of life. In my opinion this article raises more fear than offers real help…and that doesnt help.

  • Youcefbb

    I think mindfulness is more about looking for a more accurate self-awareness, more than “finding happiness”, isn’t it? Even though the aim of being more and more self-aware in my opinion is to adapt in an optimal way to the world we live in, and therefore be more satisfied w/ our lives.

    Very interesting article though !

    • Lex Barringer

      You’re correct. You don’t find happiness, it’s generated from within.

  • Ricky Chan

    I will read your book in depth. But something tells me that alcohol or marijuana have the same problems – fine for some, bad for others – exacerbates certain tendencies, etc. Not everyone needs to meditate either. If psychologists are failing at healing clients, then their field is the problem. If many people are chronically unhappy, they should change their life – not try to meditate to make it bearable. Western people have been looking for “something else” to make things better or “somewhere else” where things are better for a long time. Meditation should be added to that bucket – yet another disappointment in the search for the perfect life. We must live with contradiction.

  • John D

    I have always been unable to do meditation or mindfulness. I have tried to do it at different times but it sets my mind so on edge that the slightest sound cuts like a knife through my brain. Last year I started a year long trauma treatment, which included mindfulness at the major mental health clinic in Melbourne.There were 8 people in the group, 3 of them had a similar reaction to me. At one session we were forced to stay at a session despite protestation from two of us. The 3Rd patient wasn’t in that day.
    When the session was over I was shaking like a leaf and the other person said “I was feeling reasonably well but terrible now”.
    I did not complete the treatment as I couldn’t sleep anymore.
    I have had over the years many arguments with psychiaters and psychologist about being unable to do those practices.

    • Lex Barringer

      Was this psychologist a licensed hypnotherapist? Traditionally hypnotherapists and psychoanalysts (psychologists who identify mental and emotional disorders not relating to neurological / medical reasons) are separate individuals.

      That was a rather dumb statement that the psychologist said about you going into a depression that you would never recover from. Each person is different in how they react to hypnosis, let alone how the hypnosis is induced in a given person.

      Depression is caused by a biochemical imbalance in the brain, has much to do with long-term malnutrition. Some food additives can worsen depression in patients.

      My suggestion to you is to go see a psychiatrist and explain what happened. Have the psychiatrist do a full blood workup on you. Which will be in regards to free and serum levels of all the hormones, vitamins, minerals and all the other important saturation ratios. Do mention if you’re on any medication. Also mention if you have heart trouble, diabetes, hypoglycemia, seizures, allergies to foods and chemicals. This can in fact change the outcome of how things are handled. Also, mention any hereditary diseases that run in your family. The psychiatrist may check you for these as well.

      The difference between a psychologist and a psychiatrist is that a psychiatrist is also a medical doctor (M.D.) and a psychologist is a (Ph.D). Also, there are many different specialities from within psychiatry. The type you’d be on the look out is by the name of “Neuropsychiatry” abbreviated as (NUP) right next to (M.D.) in his / her title.

      Some patients don’t know how to articulate the problem they’re having or don’t know how to ask the medical staff to rule out what some people would be considered obvious, although, some doctors are so set in their ways, they don’t want to do what they’re “supposed to do”.

      Also, if you’re on psychiatric medication of any kind that could make it impossible for you to mediate, also it may enhance your hyper-aware state. Some doctors don’t know that these medication make it impossible to meditate (although, they should know).

      • John D

        The person who tried the hypnotherapy with me was a qualified medical doctor  who was working for a psychiatric clinic attached to a major public hospital. Other psychiatrists have also confirmed that it can be a major issue.

        • Lex Barringer

          To say with certainty is a wrong thing to do, however. The science of the mind is ever evolving, John, it’s not static as to how they describe it to be. Have you ever suffer from any form of clinical depression before? If you haven’t, you’re more than likely not going to suffer from a depression you will not recover from.

          I studied psychiatry, a lot of what is stated is alarmist in nature. While, it’s true, some people who have psychopathy suffer from a very specific form of clinical depression by the name of psychotic depression. It’s a lot more rare than these doctors lead on.
          There is a difference between psychosis / psychotic break and psychopathy. As with all depressions, they don’t last forever.

          I had chronic depression since I was 8 and it just lifted several months ago, as it was constant (I’m now 41). In a word, psychology and psychiatry are based more on observation rather than hard science. However, there are some case studies that do root out all the various causes, that do in fact use hard science. That level of clinical studies are fairly rare in the industry. The clinical studies that are available usually have a very specific target in mind and work towards that, instead of following where the evidence leads them. That’s a travesty. An example is the introduction of a new psychiatric medication and they have a triple blind clinical trial for patients to be a part of the clinic study. This type of study has very rigid beliefs in what is valid and what is not valid, despite what the evidence may state to the contrary.

          Now, I’m not pushing you toward hypnosis or any other practice but be aware that it’s not set in stone that if you do or don’t do a certain thing, that the outcome will be X, Y or Z, that’s not how the mind actually works. We as humans, will never completely understand how the mind works, while we may master the biological and biochemical basis of our brains, the mind is far beyond this. Psychiatrists still don’t really know what a thought and consciousness really is as of yet. Yet, they attempt to articulate that it’s nothing more than a biochemical reaction in the brain that makes up thoughts, etc.

          If what they were actually true, I’d like them to go to an abandoned asylum during the night with an Ovilus 5 and a paranormal research group. You can hear and see residue or active energy built up from previous patients with various ailments, for which there is no brain and body of a patient actually still there. If they can’t explain that, after they come back, they need to dig deeper into understand as to where thoughts and conditions, really come from. Granted, yes, some are a biological wiring issue, while others are a mental conditioning issue, some go far beyond it, as what’s called psychic conditioning.

          Psychiatrists and psychologists are very narrow minded people, for the most part. This little exercise of them going outside of what they know and currently understand would be of great importance to their research into how the mind really works. To better understand if your problem is a conditioning issue or touches into your soul, which is psychic in nature. If the psychic part is cleaned up and patched, then the mental / psychological conditioning issue can then be corrected but not until then.

          While this may seem like an off the wall approach to you, you may want to talk to an energy healer that understands abuse and they can help with that end. If you study about meditation, you’ll realize everything is based on energy and certain patterns, let alone collections is know as you, John. Just as my set of collections and patterns of energy are seen and known as me, Lex. Everything we see, feel, taste, touch, hear, smell, sense, is based off of energy. If your energy patterns are scattered or are not aligned correctly you get mental illness and/or physical ailments.

          Do keep an open mind and heart to any solution that may come your way, do investigate each one, as they could be the solution to your problems, John.

  • Jesus Smith

    As far as I’m aware, the older traditions teach meditation with warnings.
    There are warnings about the danger of psychotic breaks, “maya” along with advice on how to practise correctly. There are warnings about “sinking” rather than transcending and so on.

    A good way to virtually guarantee negative experiences is to “force” meditation, that is, practise with effort.
    Another way is to practise without alertness, to zone out, to dissociate.

    In general meditating incorrectly and without having a useful cognitive or philosophical model within an ethical framework is a good way to end up in hospital.

    ps. I’ve been meditating for over 30 years.

  • foto2021

    I tried mindfulness after finding a guided 3-minute meditation on YouTube which worked well for me, and still does.

    However, I signed up for a mindfulness course that was funded by the NHS and found the first group session an ordeal. I was in tears by the end of the 40 minute meditation. It felt pointless and was very unhelpful. It took me several weeks to regain any semblance of feeling able to cope with normal life.

    I emailed the tutor to let him know I would not be attending any further sessions. He responded by telephoning me several times a day to try to persuade me to return. In the end I had to block his email address and mobile phone number, but it did not stop him writing to me, pleading with me to return to the class. In the end I made a formal complaint to his employer because I felt I was being harassed and had no alternative.

    It wasn’t funny then, but I can laugh about it now. I suppose a lot depends on your tutor and the training he/she has received.

    I still use the the guided 3-minute meditation whenever I need it. It is by Dr Mark Williams of the Oxford Mindfulness centre: http://bit.ly/1OQ3cX7

    • Lex Barringer

      What is the name of this practitioner and where can he found? I want to run a deep background check on this quack. Yes, you were in fact being harassed. Next time you run into a fraudster like this don’t hesitate to file a police and FBI report, in case the person is a flight risk, trying to leave the country.

  • Novell Gopal
  • RustyRiley

    there are so many wild, irresponsible, statements in this I think it only demonstrates yet again that one shouldn’t believe, or uncritically accept, anything one reads on the internet, it also only demonstrates that authors of articles on this site are irresponsible “so-called” journalists — the train episode is total BS if it’s supposed to highlight the alleged “dangers” of mindulness. There are so many mis-statements as well — certainly, one needs to do one’s homework before independently practising any self-help technique, but here’s a good start — shame someone from outside England had to be the one to point to an English resource http://mindfulnessteachersuk.org.uk/pdf/teacher-guidelines.pdf

    • Lex Barringer

      That’s a great article you’ve cited!

  • Kung Fu Andy

    “Think of an individual who went through a traumatic experience in early
    life but forgot about it, only to find themselves reliving it as an
    adult trying out mindfulness meditation.”

    This is exactly what happened to me, but I didn’t understand it at the time. Any time I do mindfulness or meditation my state of mind worsens, and I re-experience the trauma, my mind gets obsessive, agitated. It’s like my mind cannot “rest” in the present moment, because of the presence of trauma in body and mind. I’ve kept trying for years but hurt myself and it has negatively affected my mental health. I kept trying because I just assumed I was just doing it wrong, because of the message I got from meditation teachers, therapists etc and their refusal to listen or respect my experience.

    So thanks so much for this article, it helps to reassure me that I am not alone.

    • Lex Barringer

      Any time teachers, so called gurus and other trained staff, whether it be a psychologist or psychiatrist. If they don’t listen to you, respect your experience, that is disrespecting you. If this happens, get out of there as fast as you can. They’re not their to help you at that location or facility.

      There are good people and bad people in all of these modalities. The bad ones don’t care about you and what you have to say. The good ones listen and work with you on a 1 to 1 basis. I must say, these types are really rare (unfortunately).

  • David Briggs

    The problem is mindfulness and meditation have been separated from their spiritual origins and made out to be what they are not. Neither is a cure for anything. Together they help us see our false reality for what it is – man made – and so help us see the ultimate reality. Yet again the modern world using something from the ancient world for wrong intention – commercial gain. Right intention, balance of concentration with mindful attention, insight and wisdom all has to be there together with the right teacher.

    • Lex Barringer

      What you say is true, David.

  • Jeff

    Gated Communities

    Gated communities are taking on an important role in modern politics. Donald Trump grew up in a gated community, and made his fortune building gated communities that illegally exclude African-Americans. Trump’s approach is not based on ideology, but on consumer demand, and in particular, the demand of the working class to live in a place where there are no minority groups, criminals, wierdos or politically correct (Catholic educated) people.

    A gated community has a number of characteristics. There is ideally a six metre high concrete wall to keep out intruders. When the wall surrounds a very large number of houses, the average cost of the wall becomes insignificant. Getting past the security guards is like going through customs. Hence there is no crime in a gated community, and children can roam unsupervised in complete safety. Parents can be sure their daughters will not encounter males that would be unsuitable sons-in-law.

    Allotments are typically quarter-acre or five acres (one-tenth or two hectares). Houses are fireproof and of a similar appearance. Services are provided by underground ducts, including pneumatic mail delivery. Television and internet are unobtrusively censored.

    There is a shopping centre with a supermarket and other key shops. Prices are controlled to prevent gouging. There is a club for men and older boys from which women are excluded. On the top of the shopping centre is a hospital and old people’s home overlooking a race track and playing fields.

    There is a non-denomination church, which has leather sofas instead of pews, and wallpaper with pictures of saints like in an eastern orthodox church. The priest is a family man employed by the management committee. There is a co-educational school, so that if children conceive a passionate desire for a classmate, it will be someone of the opposite gender. The school has international baccalaureate and no homework.

    Once people move into a gated community, it occurs to them that, instead of their having to move into a gated community, it would be better if the “undesirables” were forced to live in ghettos, or were kicked out of the country altogether. No doubt this is what Donald Trump has in mind. The Conservative Party should take on board this trend in modern living and become the party for people who live or would like to live in gated communities. er

  • Naveen Sai Kiran

    Too much of meditation worsens your condition to a great extent rathar than helping you. I personally know one who started going crazy, with hallucinations and hearing voices. Is there any treatment or a practice to cure these side effects?

    • Lex Barringer

      Cut way back on the amount (how many times you do it in a day) and for shorter periods of time. Get a lot of physical exercise, live in the ever present now.

      As long as you don’t have any neurological or psychiatric disorders, that you get plenty of good restful sleep, meaning deep REM sleep. This will help you alleviate (won’t get rid of it completely).

      People do on occasion start to hear voices and seeing hallucinations if they’re up for more than 96 hours straight, some people get it sooner, while others start seeing it at 120 hours. It depends on the your psychological conditioning and makeup.

      Do go see a psychiatrist in this regard, make sure you don’t have anything physically wrong with you that could be causing this issue. Sometimes people that are low on zinc, magnesium and calcium can have this happen to them as well. Always good to check the obvious stuff first. Full blood work panels can help your doctor figure out what’s happening.

      In any case, I hope you get help with this problem fairly soon and get well.

  • ApplesAreNotOrange

    Thanks. I had an astronomical breakdown after attending a meditation retreat about ten years ago. I’m still very ill. I went on another mindfulness course and got dissociation and high levels of trauma arising. The mindfulness trainers didn’t give a flying fuck, excuse my sanskrit. Om indeed. No mental health specialist understands and no spiritual teacher is compassionate or wise enough to help.